Also, I'm watching Project Runway (what what WHAT THE FUCK, I do not understand some of their Top Threes sometimes) and there was an ad for their movie Twist of Faith, and it gave away the entire actual movie. What even?
I made Rice Krispie Treats today. The first batch did not work well. I assumed stale marshmallows would work fine. NOPE. Instead the toasted and then melted the spatula I was using. IDEK how that was possible. I think the universe thought I was cooking. It's okay though, I told it I was baking and the next two batches came out beautiful.
Also, I had a REALLY big downswing today and have thus been grazing on random food here and there non-stop. Which, you know, great way to celebrate actually having a loss for the first time in two weeks.
On the upside, I applied to Fry's and Walmart. On the downside, applying to Fry's and Walmart are pluses.
Also, I woke up at 6 today, watched The First Wives Club and then fell asleep with JUST enough time to almost make us late for Ma's doctor's appointment.
I hate that I work at a job that makes me miserable enough that I should probably be on medication, and that because of said job I can't afford to see anyone or take time off or anything. I was actually crying as I answered my first call this afternoon, and that shit is hard to hide when it isn't silent tears.
I feel like it's me. Ma has always been the sales person from TV shows. She could literally do whatever she wanted because she was always hundreds of sales above the person with the second most. Yussie's always been the one everyone loved, who got considered for management spots and raises and things. And I see some of you guys here and on my Twitter who get things like Mental Health Days, or who can work from home some days without being on the phone, or any number of things like that and all I can think is how the only time I am ever good at selling things is if I don't get commission from it.
That's not true, though. I'm great at selling, but most sales jobs are commission only, or have it set so you make either minimum wage or commission, and I stress myself into an ulcer even while sitting on or near the top of the rankings.
I think that's why I hate this boss/job so much. I am already so ridiculously hard on myself. I'm always convinced I'm about to be fired, or put on warning or something, and this job has the most metrics I've ever had. We measure how long we're on the phone, how long we're out of the queue after our calls, how long they're on hold, how many credits we have to give out, how many technicians we have to send, how many people call back for the same issue later, what our quality is, and how many of the non-commission insurance plans we sell.
So all those to worry about, added in with a boss who likes to tell me how I'm doing horrible in almost all of them and need to fix it but can't and/or won't give me ideas on HOW to, added in again with the fact that the same boss likes to do things like tell me that I ask too many questions in the Chat and need to stop, but that I also need to ask questions because calling our specialists for help, and you get this mess of a human that is me.
I would really like a career. And to stop having jobs. But that's probably never going to happen for me, because I have no degree and as the entire country is oh-so-happy to point out, I am a worthless human being without one, and I will never amount to anything! So I will have to settle for a job. I'd at least like one I didn't absolutely hate.