BEWARE OF JENMAR. (clex_monkie89) wrote,
BEWARE OF JENMAR.
clex_monkie89

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Five Things - Part 1

First batch. Doing these in the order the mood strikes me. Everyone's will get done eventually.



Five times Sam told someone at Stanford at least part of the truth.

1.

Sam has somewhere around fifty or so pieces of buckshot in his right flank, mostly under his arm.

When Jess found out about it (fucking metal detectors) he told her he took a wrong step while hunting with his Dad and brother.

Okay yeah, it was a Nagual but still, hunting.

Come to think of it why the fuck did they have buckshot rounds with them anyway?

2.

Sam did this thing his first night in the dorms; Two Truths and a Lie. You tell three facts like they're the truth and try and fool people into guessing the lie as a truth.

He told the truth about only having one kidney (and you're stoned if you think he'd say anything about the Wendigo that ate it) and about having been to forty-nine states (he doesn't have to mention that he actually lived in all of them at one point or another).

The lie was actually a truth too, he has broken three bones. He's broken more than that even, but technicalities were always something Sam liked.

3.

He really did mean it when he told Jess he loved her.

Every single time.

4.

Sam most definetly told the truth when he introduced himself to people as "Sam Winchester."

Shut up, it does too count.

5.

Sam really is a military brat.

John was a Marine, Sam was is his son. Therefore, Sam is a military brat.

Okay, so yeah, that's not why he moved around so much or why he runs ten miles a day but, really. That wasn't the question they asked now, was it?





Five names Jess call Sam (bonus if you also do it vice-versa)

1.

Sam.

She rarely called him by his name, usually when she was tired or had to act "mature."

2.

Tripod.

At first Sam didn't get it. Then she explained it to him.

Sam spent the first month and a half blushing whenever she called him that (which was all the time). Eventually he got over it though and to this day he still answers to it like he was born with the name.

He doesn't even blush anymore. Jess kinda thought that was a shame really, he always looked so cute when he was embarassed.

3.

Baby.

But not in that sleazy way. And rarely around people (it was kind of cliche and embarassing).

She usually called him "baby" in bed, really. Occasionally, in the kitchen too.

And that one time in the second floor stairwell of McClatchy hall.

And Evan's friend's car.

And the bathroom of that bar a few times.

And that one Wal-Mart bathroom too.

Oh fuck it, she used it a lot, okay?

4.

Princess Samantha Jane of the Fancy Pants Circus.

...Yeah. It's probably better if you don't ask about that one.

5.

Frodo.

She overheard Jared use the nickname once, and considering how spoiled she thought Sam was at the time, she thought it was the most fitting thing ever.

It was even funnier when she found out that the "Frodo" thing had something to do with the brother he had, but rarely ever talked about. Apparently the brother was "Samwise". It was an in-joke that she didn't really get, but the way Frodo fidgeted and tried to change the subject was too cute for words.

From then on Jared would randomly remark that "Sam(wise, of course) would kill her if she tries anything."

...It was actually funny once.

--

1.

Jess.

Never Jessie and rarely Jessica. He called her Jessie once and she punched him.

She actually punched him.

...she hits much harder than he thought she would.

2.

Babe-babe.

Oh, Jesus Christ, it's just too embarassing for words. He doesn't have any fucking clue why he says it, he just opens his mouth and it pops out.

If Dean ever found out he'd have to commit seppuku just to restore his honor.

3.

Boogerface.

She started it. She called him a "big poo-head."

Shut up.

4.

Leia.

He ignores the part where Dean used to make him be Luke when they would play when they were little.

Besides, Jess was the one who spent a week in line for Episode III.

In the fucking metal bikini.

God, Jess really was the best girlfriend ever.

5.

Uncle Kim-Bob Joe-Jack.

Dude. She was born in Kentucky.

If she can make all the lame Superman jokes, he can make inbreeding jokes.

Inbreeding. Cram it.





Five times Sam (almost) failed a school exam, and why.

Wincest warning.

1.

Sam's first year at Stanford, somewhere around the middle of February, Sam woke up one Friday night to Dean sitting on his bed.

Sam bribed his roommate to skip out for the weekend and he and Dean spent most of Friday night, all of Staurday and Sunday and a large chunk of Monday fucking.

Sam missed missed two exams that day; he fucked through one and slept through the other.

Lucky for Sam his teachers were very understanding.

But honestly, what kind of a teacher would punish a kid for getting mugged and put in the hospital overnight?

Sam must not forget to thank Dean for his help authenticating those injuries. Maybe he'll even borrow Dean's steel-toes for extra thanks.

2.

Sammy missed a big math test once in fifth grade. The teacher, Mrs. Spatsic, was very admant that any schoolwork missed because of an unexcused absence was considered a failing grade.

John took his only lunch break in a nine-hour shift at the local garage to go down to the school and talk to her, try and convince her to let Sammy retake the test. He, very calmly, explained to her that he had had to work the graveyard shift the night before the test and took his boys with him rather than leave them alone in their dodgy neighborhood.

He also explained, also very calmly, that because the boys were up all night he let them sleep rather than go to school and fall asleep in class.

Mrs. Spatsic then decided that it would be a good idea to tell John Winchester that "a good father would not jeopardize his son's futures just to save a few dollars on a sitter."

Sam's still not sure exactly what happened next but he knows his father went to the principal the next day. By the end of the week he had a new teacher and another chance to take his test.

3.

Eigth grade.

Dean jumped in front of Sam.

Fourteen hours in surgery.

Sam didn't give a fuck about his English test and didn't care whether the teacher would let him take it again or not.

He was just happy when the doctor came out and said Dean would be okay.

4.

Freshman year in Minesotta, nowhere near Blue Earth for once.

Dean catches mono and because the dishes aren't done right so do John and Sammy.

Two weeks later John and Dean are better but Sammy's throat still hurts. Three days later he has a fever of 104 and John is stripping him for an ice bath when he sees the rash.

Sammy spends the next month bouncing between the pediatric unit and the pediatric ICU.

Scarlet fever. Not mono for Sammy, Dean jokes weakly, always has to be special.

Dean brings all of Sammy's schoolwork to the hospital and he and John split the subjects.

Sammy keeps his 4.0 GPA.

5.

There's this curse see, him and Dean and John and everyone else in Blue Earth that day got hit with it years back. Long story short; no one knows how to fix it and everyone with it does an involuntary sex change for exactly twenty-four hours the same day every year.

It's so much more retarded than it sounds.

Anyway. Sam's at Stanford one of the times this happens (four actually, but one in particular) and he has a paper due in class the day of. Sadly this does not dawn on him until he's in the motel waiting for midnight to hit him.

He ends up turning it in the day after and getting twenty-five percent knocked off for handing it in late.

Twenty-five fucking percent.

Fucking pixies.





5 times Dean Winchester spent the night in jail and the 5 people who bailed him out.

1.

Twelve.

He got picked up shoplifting hamburger meat in some grocery store in California. He told Sammy to run home quick and not get caught.

Dean spent the night in juvie because he hadn't memorized the motel number yet and Sammy didn't say anything to Dad until morning for fear of getting Dean in trouble.

John got him as soon as Sammy confessed and told Dean to tell him next time there was no food or emergency money, that it was his job to keep them fed, not Dean's.

Dean started taking a backpack to school anyway.

2.

Fourteen. Caleb bailed him out that time.

Dean found out he liked county a lot better than juvie and made sure that from then on all his IDs had him as at least eighteen.

He'd rather deal with a neo-nazi over a shank-happy, wannabe gang-banger any day.

3.

Fifteen.

Joshua foots the bill this time.

Lectures Dean all the way back to his house.

He's right too, Dean really does need to work on that whole "not getting caught" thing.

4.

Fifteen.

Again.

Pastor Jim treks three states this time.

Dean never claimed to listen well.

5.

Nineteen.

Shut the fuck up.

What was he supposed to do, let that bastard-assed thing keep gnawing on Sammy?

What kind of fucked-up, baby-hating cop lets a K-9 loose on a scrawny kid with a backpack anyway? Should've fucking snapped the scuzz-mutt's neck.

It took Dad two and a half days to cut him loose (and throw in a few dozen almost-real threats of lawsuits for Sammy's punctured lung and other wounds) and get the charges dropped.

Jesus Fucking Christ that time was scary. Fucking pigs wouldn't even tell him how Sammy was doing or anything.

Fucking pigs.

Tags: fic, fic genre: gen, fic genre: het, fic genre: wincest, fic pairing: none, fic pairing: sam/dean, fic pairing: sam/jess, fic rating: g, fic rating: pg, fic rating: pg-13, fic rating: r, fic: commentary, fic: supernatural, fic: supernatural: pdo, fic: supernatural: stanford, five things..., puppy's day out
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