BEWARE OF JENMAR. (clex_monkie89) wrote,
BEWARE OF JENMAR.
clex_monkie89

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Real life attacks me outta nowhere.

Okay so I've been up for around 26 hours again.

This is because I have insomnia and am not taking my meds for it. I was starting to build up a tolerance and decided to stop taking them for a while to kinda... detox my system. So that I'll be able to take them again without having to wait three hours for them to kick in.
**
In other real life news I'm spazzing out lately. I know why though, my Step-Dad CJ gets out on Tuesday. Mom rented a 2006 Impala (It's nothing close to like the Metallicar but I squeed nonetheless) and we're doing our last minute things. Tomorrow Ma's getting her nails done and I'm getting the sides and back of my head shaved again and we're going shopping (food and a button down for CJ) and maybe seeing a movie.

When I say CJ is coming back on Tuesday that's not the full truth. CJ, Ajax, Brick, Bert, Sturge, Chuckie, Dee (Who's new), Michael, Angelo, and a lot of others I don't remember/ don't know are coming back on Tuesday. CJ has DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, which is more commonly known as MPD, Multiple Personality Disorder. Neither of these are the right words though because in their case there is no disorder. The main ones know about each other and they're all aware of who they are and that they are not alone. None of them tell the others to kill or anything and if you've watched Sybil igfuckingnore it, that's judging the many on the one. That's like saying that everyone from Texas is stupid and bigoted because of Dubya.

I explain a lot of things about this to Ma because I'm good at "translating" and "relating" to people and I'm just Nerdy enough to have researched the fuck out of this. And I've had a friend, Gremlin/Michael/Patrick, who had DID too.

However this still spazzes me out. Because Gremlin was a friend from school who I only saw at school cause he was in a group home and therefor was not allowed out and CJ is my new Step-Dad.
**
And speaking of that... There's a chance that CJ's my biological father. And when I say "there's a chance" I mean "Mom and him are both convinced." I wanna say I don't care but it fucks me up a lot more than it should.

The worst part though is that he wants me to call him "Dad." And so does Mom.

That's just not gonna fucking happen. Genetics or no genetics I know who my Daddy is and he raised me from before I was born and he rocked me on his forearm when I was a baby and he threatened doctors who made me cry and I may not have talked to him in a few years but he always was and will always be my Daddy.

It's just a matter of how the fuck I'm gonna tell Mom and CJ that without pissing anyone off.
Tags: freakage, rl, rl: cj
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