August 26th, 2004

What's a personal bubble? - BOYS


I hate being a chick so much. For numerous reasons ranging from everybody assuming you are a weak little girl on up, but this is the one everyone knows about and loves to squick out on. I'm not going to get gory like some people would (Mainly cause I just ate) but I do feel the need to bitch so here goes.

Yesterday I was in a bitchy mood all day (Bad hormones! Bad!) and felt like crap, it wasn't even a bad day. It was actually really good, I was just feeling like crap and riding the Bitch!Wave. I even snapped at my friend Amanda, but that may have had more to do with the fact that she's starting to piss me off a little.

Today started the usual crap, nausea, cramps, tiredness, soreness, out-of-breathness, not to mention the stunning realization 1/2 way through the day that I was going to have to sit still--standing only twice--for four hours and then walk back to the dorms. Guys won't get that last comment and I envy them for that.

Aah. Nothing like that feeling of wanting to vomit and remove all your internal organs (Because surely if you only remove the girl-specific parts next it'll be the spleen leaking on a monthly basis). And I get to be a whiny over-emotional little bitch now too!

See I have this friend seven_flower, who I hung hang hung out with litterally all the time (When one of us was alone everyone would ask where the other one was). I also have this friend Amanda who while being getting on my nerves at times is usually pretty cool. Recently Amanda moved into Heather's room. Now three of my four friends are all in one room. sanrei is still in a different room, but he moves out on the second of September (Which I just noticed is one week from today) and...yeah, not going in to that now, I want to stay on topic.

Anyway I feel...ignored. Yuck, this is getting all girly and feelingy and crap. Okay it's just small things like the fact they they neglected to tell me they were all going to Rocky this weekend. Heather said something in the bathroom this afternoon about getting her outfit from home but that barely counts.

I had to find out from Idiot-Boy that apparently everyone is going. By everyone I mean; Amanda, seven_flower, several other people from school, The Pauser (This guy named Greg who's creepy and annoying), sanrei, Ray, and Justin.

I figured sanrei was going cause he always goes to Justin's on the weekends and Justin almost always goes to Rocky. Amanda and Heather both said they told me about it but I'm pretty sure I'd remember that. Then again I could be wrong.

It's not like I can go anyway though. I'm always the one who pays for the cabs to get everyone around (Because I'm fucking retarded and am just like my Father who thinks people will like you if you spend money on them) and as much as I like Rocky it's no where near worth spending my entire thirty-seven dollar bi-weekly check for a few hours of fun. It's six bucks to get in, a seven dollar and fifty cent cab ride from Rocky to Genny's at 2:30 in the morning, and an eleven dollar cab ride from Genny's to Job Corps at six in the morning because the buses don't start running until eight am. That's twenty-four dollars if I don't order anything from Genny's. That leaves me with thirteen dollars for the next two weeks. And I need shampoo, conditioner, ramen, and pads.

There is a small chance I'll be able to go, apparently one of Idiot-Boy's friends has a car and he might be able to talk his friend into coming with and giving me, him, sanrei, Justin and like one or two other people a ride. Might being the key word in that sentence.

I know this is all piddily little shit and I'm whining or whinging or what-ever the hell you want to call it but right now I will revel in wallowing. This is my new therapist/counseler since one of mine is MIA and the other decided I didn't need counciling anymore when she got a promotion.

I just want to lay down and curl up and go to sleep but I can't. I'm tired and have been falling asleep all day, I want to throw up so badly (To get rid of the nausea, not to be bulimic or anything) I may gag myself soon, I'm light-headed and dizzy (I figure with my calculations I've lost somewhere near a pint of blood today alone), and I have a horrible wracking cough that causes all the muscles in my stomach to contract and spasam every time I cough.

Thank you for your time, I'm now off to find horribly written, dark, bad-attempt-at-angsty, fanfics.

***Hugs to anyone and everyone else having a bad day, and even to those who aren't***

[Edit: I've just realized that while ranting about leaky uteruses I've been listening to a continous loop of "Letter To My Unborn Child." The irony does not escape me.]

[Director's Cut: I love Idiot-Boy THIS MUCH!!! Tomorrow he's going to hop on a public bus to school with girly-things for me because I realized too late that my Grandmother has my emergency suppply. Dude, best Lil'Bro 3vaR!!1!]