BEWARE OF JENMAR. (clex_monkie89) wrote,
BEWARE OF JENMAR.
clex_monkie89

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And real life intrudes once again.

House is on right now and I'm too freaked out to watch it.

This isn't fair.

Have I mentioned that my father gets out on March 22? And that we just found this out today? And that my grandmother is getting a new alarm put on her place? And that the gate to our community would be completely ineffective even if it weren't for the fact that it's broken?

Hey kygn, do me a favor? Spread the word around Job Corps that nobody is to admit they know where I live. And that if anyone does I will find out and I will possibly hurt them physically. I've already left a message for Michelle on her voice mail and she should be calling me back tomorrow (Hopefully). He doesn't get out for a few months but there's always the chance that he'll send people ahead to ask around and once he's out he may possibly do the same.

I called my doctor today and set up an appointment so I can get referred to a shrink, the appointment is for 0930 on 1-12 and I'm really hoping I can go until then without losing it but... I don't know. Mom thinks I'm manic (I see that) and possibly manic-depressive (Because I go through these... bits where I want to do absolutely nothing at all. Like right now.). It's kind of obvious that I have panic attacks and severe anxiety problems. Mom thinks I need Xanex. I think I agree right now and I'm usually terrified of taking something that will change my brain chemistry.

I've been on the verge of tears all day and for the past like few weeks or something and I hate it because I'm a bottler. I'm the type of person who bottles up my emotions and yes, I get that this is probably part of the reason I'm freaking so much now. I really don't like it though because it's really not fun at all. I think I've managed pretty good at not scratching though and that makes me kinda proud because I know it's a coping mechanism and it stings and I use it as a crutch even though I shouldn't.

And now I've just found out from a phone call to my Grandma that I might not be going to see Bryon this weekend because her friend's grandchild was just born and the briss is on Sunday. The logical part of my brain knows that that's an important thing and an important thing to her but the selfish part is pissed off and kind of hopes that she can't go so that I can see Bryon. And I feel bad for hoping that but I wanna see my brother and I feel like crap.

On the plus side? I feel like writing some LJ-Genfic right now and I think I can do it. On the bad side? I think I've already read most of the PBSlash out there and whenever I think about writing L/M I start to freak out and I know it's because my brain hops over to BBM and then I start getting all weepy because that movie fucking hit me hard.

Is it sad that it bugs me how Semagic 1.5.4.9U gives different Tag-spots for Capitalized tags and uncapitalized tags? It's a small thing and it fucking bugs me.

And now? I'm going to go make pot-pie and write. And I need to clear out my BBM icons because I'm too much of a gigantic wuss to actually lose them.
Tags: rl, whining
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