( Just a small one. )

Also, I don't make as many posts here as I used to because, like. I've had people tell me that everything sounds interesting but they really think everything I say about my life is a lie, and other people say that I whine too much about my job and money and, yeah. It kinda sucks when you have to think this hard about what to put in your own journal, but that's how it is.

Ma forgot I had the day off so she came in at six-fifteen to try and wake me up. Poor Mommy, she was all rushed and zoomed through her shower because she thought we were gonna be late. *Pets her*

And then I woke up at 9:30 to discover why my back has been so icky to me the last few days and why I have been wanting to watch Extreme Home Makeover more. :(

And because everyone else is doing it...

One little compliment can make you feel great. So give me a compliment, anything in the entire world, even that my shoelaces are pretty. Put this in your journal. Once you get some comments, put that entry in a memory or tag and when you are feeling down, just go to that entry and this will remind you how great you are.

Comments are going to be screened so none of you will know if I'm uber-popular, who gets over 100 comments on this, or who's a total loser and doesn't get any.

From hansbekhart this time.

( Length. )

namegoeshere's fault.

( Length. )

scarlett_o gave me these.

( Length. )

And now I get to go think up thirty-five more questions before I can do anything else.

From manasseh this time.

( Length. )

txtequilanights is responsible for these five.

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maygra for these five.

( Length. )

Okay, so poisontaster asked me five questions.

( Length. )

1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. Or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.

I swear, a moment ago the song was Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Promise.

This was totally supposed to be a weekly thing but... Well. iSuck.

1) Okay, not really about me, but? My Dad had Thanksgiving dinner with John Wayne Gacy. Dad's first wife's brother apparently had a friend who was friends with him and they had a a Thanksgiving with a bunch of people once and he came with. Dad says you could tell there was something off about him but he didn't know what. Apparently he drank like a fish and stared hard enough at some of the guys there that he almost got his ass kicked.

2) I actually keep porn on my computer for research on what to do and what not to do while writing a sex scene. I have been known to keep entire hour-long clips just for two-three minutes worth of good footage for a scene. And on that note? Porn? Kinda depressing, actually. No one ever looks like they're enjoying it and that's just sad.

3) Despite having a ton of people on my MSN and AIM buddylists I will hardly ever actually IM anyone first because I'm always convinced I'm either interupting them while they're doing something or that they don't wanna talk to me. There are very, very few exceptions to this.

4) I am slightly OCD when it comes to my bookmarks. And I have to add more folders because the SPN ones each have enough in them that I end up ditting for about fifteen seconds while they scroll to the bottom unless I open up the "Organize Bookmarks" thing.

5) I fucking love fic done in experimental formats when they're done right.

6) I have not watched TV in nearly a month. The first Saturday morning I was over here I tried to watch an hour or so of cartoons on the crappy reception of Phil's TV before I gave up and went to sleep.

7) The entire month I have been listening to music nearly 24/7. With the exception of when the playlist turns off while I'm asleep and before I wake up or when watching a movie.

8) I fucking procrastinate.

9) I almost always have a hard time thinking of ten things people want to know about me.

10) I really, really hate odd numbers.

This is the medical issue, because... It is.

( Click. )

Okay, so I did this poll called Two Truths and a Lie.

( Ten Things About Me )

I love Sera Gamble. I mean, I loved her before but not it's actually gotten bigger. This is, no doubt, one of those Jew Things. I didn't care for Alona Tal much one way or the other until I found out she was from Israel and sang in Hebrew. Now I'm maybe a tinsy bit in love with her. And Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal jumped up even higher on my OMGILU list when I found out they were raised Jewish.

You know what I love about Post Secret? That after reading it it's hard to feel alone, because everyone has secrets they don't/won't/can't tell, and sometimes they're your secrets too.

This blog makes me so fucking hungry it's not even funny.

Lindsay is right, Sophia Bush is the female Jared and now whenever I read a Genderswap she is the female Sam. Which is especially awesome since Jessica Alba is Dean when he goes all vagina-y. Tell me that isn't a shiny image right there?

( Lets play Two Truths And A Lie. )

Shut up, I'll do my Big Bang. Really, I will.

1. I have never been punished by my parents. Ever. Never been grounded (And didn't understand grounding for a while either), never been hit or spanked, never been sent to bed without food (When there was food to eat), never had my TV or computer or books taken away, nothing. It is understood though that should I ever miss class because I stayed up so late on the computer that I overslept then my computer will be taken away. I haven't yet though so it hasn't.

2. I grew up without any rules, really. When I was young enough to still want to go and play outside I had the rule of "be home by dark" but that was it. I didn't have to take a shower or brush my teeth or comb my hair or change my clothes if I didn't want to. I didn't curse for a long time only because I didn't want to. I had no bedtime and if I didn't want to go to school than me and Yussie stayed home and didn't go (This is part of why me and Yuss are missing huge gaps of schooling). I never had to clean my room or put away my things and pretty much got to do whatever I wanted.

3. Because of the lack of rules I had growing up I am still very... Stunted. I shower at night because I honestly will forget to shower all day. I set an alarm for 2200-2300 or so to remind me to shower, because sixteen years of only showering when you want to does not teach you to want to shower every day. I do, occasionally, forget to brush my hair in the morning. This doesn't happen real often though because my hair knots easily and I have to re-fix the bun I wear it in every morning so I really only forget that when I'm super tired or in a hurry. It's not unheard of for me to go two or three days in the same clothing simply because I forget to change (Because I can't set an alarm for that in the morning because all alarms in the morning make me think "wake up!").

4. Despite not being able to legally own a handgun in the state of Arizona for another month and a half or so (Holy crap! How is my birthday that soon?) I was the top marksman in my Security class four competitions in a row. Each competition was seventy-eighty people and each time I was number one in class right behind the instructors. I graduated right before the fifth competition or I know I would've had a fifth win.

5. I hate talking on the phone. Hate it. I mostly feel awkward and sit there silently because I can't really think of anything to say.

6. I have ADD and really cannot do only one thing at a time. I think that's part of why my Big Bang is fucking up so hard right now, because Mikhale's always tired or sleeping or not talking and no one else is ever updating LJ when I go to write. I usually surf my FList, read a couple of fics and talk to someone all at the same time. Because if I try to just read a single fic on its own with nothing else to do my brain will keep wandering and I will read the same three paragraphs nine fucking times and still have no idea what the hell was just said or done.

7. I photograph badly. I mean it, I really do. When I don't smile I look like I'm pissed off and when I do smile I look retarded because my entire top lip disappears and you can see the entire top row of my teeth and gums. In person it doesn't look so bad but on camera it looks like shit.

8. Despite having pretty low self-esteem I don't actually care about how I look much. I don't think I'm particularly pretty but I really and honestly don't care if I'm "pretty." I don't think that I'm smart or that I can draw or write well and I'm pretty convinced that people don't really like me but I could probably care only a little less if someone thinks I look "ugly."

9. I can handle just about any attack thrown at me. I grew up with a bi-polar self-medicating mother who liked to tell me I was worthless and never did anything and yell at me for not "helping out." Because of this I have low self-esteem but I can also laugh at random girls who try and "attack" me by calling me fat or ugly or a bitch or a cunt or something like that. And why is it that girls use words to attack appearance?

10. I love to read but have only read two and a half "real books" in the last five years or so. Good Omens by Terry Pratchet and Neil Gaiman and Lonely Bones by whoever wrote it.

Yeah, this is gonna be a weekly thing now.

1. I have never, ever seen a James Bond movie. Ever. I also have no desire to see one and don't get what the big deal about him is. Other things I've never seen include all the Godfather movies, a single episode of 24 or Alias.

2. I sleep diagonally on the bed. I can't sleep straight up and down, I have to have my feet and one corner and my head up at the other. Unless I'm sharing a bed (Mom or one of my sisters), in which case I tend to hug the wall/edge.

3. My hair has not been it's natural color (Blonde) since I was about twelve/thirteen/fourteen or so. Most people who know me don't actually know what my real hair color is and a lot of people used to think it was red because I used to dye it a dark shade of red (Before the purples and pinks and stuff).

4. My hair has been waist length twice (Both time with bangs to right below my chest). Both times I lost my mind and chopped most of it off. The first time I chopped it to mid-ear and the second time to chin length. I don't look good with short hair.

5. I have not worn my hair down for more than a few hours at a time (With the exception of when it's drying) in the last six years or so. Maybe seven.

6. My chest is so big (And this is not a good thing) that I broke my only bra the other day simply by breathing. Snapped the underwire on the right side.

7. I wear boxers. I hate chick underwear and hate that I sometimes have to wear it. I don't understand how you people wear 'em.

8. I have really bad, horrible panic-attacks. For a while there they seemed to go away but now that I've moved again and am dealing with new stuff they are back with a fucking vengeance.

9. I have this massive thing for secrets. Gimme a fic where Person A is keeping a secret and it gets found out (By Person B, Person C, everyone else, it doesn't matter) and I will love you massively. I think that might be part of why I stayed in SPN, because the whole "secret" thing is fucking canon and right there in the show. I realize that my thing for secrets probably has to do with me having to keep secrets for most of my life but, eh. Who cares, really?

10. I am painfully shy. Once I get to know you I'm loud and demanding and bitchy but when we first meet? I hunch in on myself and don't talk and try to blend in to the wall as much as I can.

Because Julia tagged me about a month ago and I forgot to do it.

1. I bite the back of my left hand when I'm thinking about a fic. It's always the part between the finger and thumb and just far enough away from the tendon not to sting. I don't bite it hard, just hard enough to leave a very weird shaped, reddish/pinkish/purplish indent.

2. Someone I used to know has scars on the backs of their hands and the insides of their elbows from me and a sister biting him and clawing at him with our nails. It was his fault, he should've known us well enough by then to know "That doesn't hurt" is only a challenge.

3. I have once, in a very Sam moment, played lookout while someone else (Who I wont mention by name), in a very Dean moment, blew her boyfriend against the abandoned construction trailer next to the street of our apartment complex.

4. I eat, on average, about once a day. It's usually not very much, a sandwich or two or a bowl of cereal. And no, I am not anorexic or bulimic. I have no eating disorder at all.

5. I almost always leave any papers due for class or fics due for a challenge until the very last possible moment. Still Water was written abut twelve hours before the spn_50states deadline.

6. My puppy is cuter than your puppy could ever dream to be. He is also a Louisiana Catahoula Leopard Dog.

7. My default tense for fic writing is present. As in "Stop it, Sam." Dean's voice is steady and sure but Sam can see the way his leg is shaking, can hear the jittery pinging noise his ring makes as Dean taps the steering wheel. I noticed this just now as I realized I had to fix four paragraphs of my Big Bang to change it to past tense.

8. I am incredibly ADD. If I'm not doing a ton of things I can't really do anything. It's hard for me to write my Big Bang lately because Mikhale is an evil bastard and by the time I get home I'm so tired in the brain that I don't even wanna think about writing.

9. I have tons of little scars along my upper arms/shoulders from scratching and digging in to them hard enough to bleed during panic attacks.

10. I cannot listen to anything by The Doors or Greatful Dead. Nothing. It makes me physically sick to hear their music and I think that part of why ( Born Under A Bad Sign spoiler ) freaked me out as much as it did.

I don't have one of these posts and I have a ton of people on my FList so I figured now was as good a time as any to tell you all a little about me.

( There are absolutely no baby pictures of me under this cut. )


( And now for the piddley things. )

And that's pretty much me in a nutshell.

Got fake nails with Ma yesterday. This is what happens when you're bored and sitting next to your Mom while she gets her nails done.

Typing is a tad bit weird now.

Spent the day grocery shopping with Mommy and Yussie. Mm. Food. It's sad how cool today was.

I may be like, the only one of three Fanatic on my FList who hasn't seen X3 yet.

Have still been freaking out a little, but not a lot.

PBFE fic still not started yet. I have a little more than a week left. I think I can do this. Maybe.

Talked to Phil and two of his roommates tonight, much cool.

Watched the last three eps of Supernatural with Phil last night, he totally spazzed at the end of Devil Trap. I'm glad I pulled him into it.

Like, nobody is ever online anymore it seems. Totally unfair.

I kinda wanna do one of those "All About Clex" things like everyone has about themselves but... I don't know. I don't really talk about myself a lot on here cause I just don't. I think part of my hesitation to do an All About Me post is that A) Once I get started I tend to ramble, and B) My life really does sound kinda fake.

I mean it: I've lived in shelters and motels and hotels and trailers and apartments and cars and on the street and all kinds of other places most people haven't. My educational background is really something to marvel at, but not in a good way. I can go into detail about identity theft and other scams the like of which would make Dean Winchester's mouth water with the amount of money they bring in. I can criticize Prison Break, Fastlane, and nearly any other show involving law enforcement, prison, jail, inmates and other things like that from several different points.

Eh. Maybe I'll just do a Random Facts post about me. Anyone have any burning questions? Anything you want to know? I promise I wont be offended or freaked out. I always allow Anonymous Posting so you an do that if you really want. I'd turn off IP Logging for the post but I don't know how and I don't really look at them anyway.

Finally I put up the pictures of me.

( Nineteen pictures under the cut. )

For the dial-uppers:
My hair!
Me with my hair down.
Me with my hair down. (Again)
Me in my room with my hair down.
Me in my shirt thing. Shut up, it's hot here. And I realize I look stupid, bite me.
Me with my hair all stupid-like.
My brace.
Me.
Me again.
Idiot-boy and Mom.
Idiot-boy.
Idiot-boy and me.
My Pooh Bears. Yes, I sleep with all four of them.
Me holding the pillow I got my mom.
Me, mom, and Joe.
Us again, this was the first picture.
Joseph, the Idiot-Boy.
Chelsea, the Power Rangers freak.
Aiden (The pale one), Addie (The pale one with dark hair and black lipstick), Ray (The Un!Mexican), and me. About a year ago the night I hurt my leg.